I sat on my tiny cot, listening to the night orderlies chatter outside of my room. They joked about each others’ wives and questioned paternity of their own children. They talked about past sport games, and smacked on food that the state promised me I’d never taste again.
Hell, if the state could have truly had its way, I would have been injected and in the ground by now. As soon as my case came up, it seemed as if the entire government body was doing everything it could to make sure a trial would end with me receiving the death penalty. Unfortunately for them, my punk ass lawyer forced me to plead guilty by reason of insanity before things could even get that far. The D.A. wanted my head, and I was sure he was going to get. For the life of me, I couldn’t understand why he even accepted the plea deal. Confusion over how I managed to end up here was just the beginning, though. Tittering between wanting my life and wishing the D.A. had his way in the first place had become a routine of mine.
Being locked away in this place was the last thing any sane person could want. Countless days and nights, I wondered why I even let this happen. In reality, there wasn’t anything I could have done to shift the outcome to satisfy me. I didn’t even get a say in anything “[i]my[/i]” lawyer decided to do because he wasn’t really my lawyer. He was merely a goon for Randolph, the carcass walking around who was soon to pay up a debt he was probably too arrogant to realize he owed me.
“Aye, Vaughan,” one of the guards sluggishly called me. I ignored him, still wringing my scared hands and focusing on the floor. “Vaughan!” I slowly lifted my eyes to the glass slot that was partially showing his face. “It’s bedtime. Lay your ass down, you fucking animal. You don’t want me to come in there and show you how we deal with filth like you.”
I just eyed him, hoping he’d open the door just an inch. He had no idea what I was capable of. What they had me locked up for was nothing compared to what I planned on doing once I finally escaped.
“Joe, come back over here,” the smarter and obviously weaker guard warned. His tone was his tale. Regardless of his visible physical fitness, his tone was all the evidence I needed to know he could be easily broken.
“Where I come from, you damn sure wouldn’t end up in a cushy room. We wouldn’t even allow you inside a jail cell.” I still said nothing, only studied him. I wanted to remember his pale blue eyes. I assured myself the look in them would change from insolence to terror before I was out of here. “Lay the fuck down!” He beat on the door with his over weight arm, and the smart one ran over to him.
“Leave him alone, Joe.” He had a look of caution on his face, and unlike Joe, he wouldn’t dare look me in the eyes. “We’re out of here in a few hours. Why should we care if he gets a good night’s rest?”
“That’s right, Vaughan. We’re going home tonight. . . . some place you’ll never see again. You think calling yourself insane saved you, you piece of shit?” He hit the door once again. “Enjoy your stay, mother fucker! I hope she was worth it,” he whispered loud enough to vibrate off my bones.
My body tensed on reaction, and I tried to keep myself under control. The last thing I needed was another night incident added to my report. Each incident before had sent me spiraling up the walls and landed me in shambles. Days after I’d “[i]have an episode[/i]”, I’d be back in this room, drugged and begging for my blood to spill out of my veins. Everything about it would always be so cloudy to me. I never had an answer for why it happened. I wouldn’t be able to fully recall my incident. I would only know that they had done something to me and blamed me for my reaction. They’d justify me waking up in one of their hell contraptions and demand pointless sessions that would try to twist my mind and words.
Feeling my mental walls crumble, I jumped up and started to pace. My shoulders began to throb, so I rotated them and only succeeded in giving my muscles a tease. They wanted to work, and walking was not the job they ached for. I felt them growing in agitation, and soon they began to spasm once my pace slowed. Moving around this small room was doing nothing but making me worse. I needed blood on my hands.
I shook my head, a feeble attempt to calm my now racing heart and mind. I stood completely still, closing my eyes and rolling my neck causing my joints to pop. My muscles still ached to release their heat and rage. My ears began to ring, and I could feel my temperature rising. I clenched my fist as my chest blazed with destruction.
Slowly my eyes opened, and my body was now completely locked. My vision blurred, and before long, everything in the room was gone. I was left alone with the black evil of my heart. Each breath I drew in effected to heighten each of my senses. Systematically, the scene came into view. I could see myself standing over all three of their bodies. I could hear Jose begging for his life. I could smell the blench used to hide the evidence of the other bodies. I could feel the sheer rage building in me once again. I was back to that night. My room was no longer caging me. I again had a chance to personally finish them all.
Jose would be first this time, I promised. He deserved it most of all. Rachael and Ryan would be dealt with for simply being spineless idiots. I walked up to his beating body laying face down, snatching his ponytail to make him face me then punishing any part of his body my fist or foot could connect with. He screamed, squirmed, and pleaded for mercy until his brain was too damaged. Still, his body wasn’t lifeless. I stomped on his stomach as his eyes rolled to the back of his head. I wanted to crush every bit of breath out of his lungs.
Before I could end him, however, I felt myself being tackled to the floor. I heard a voice in my ear promising to teach me a lesson, but there was no one around me. Trying to move was useless. My body felt so weighed down, and Jose laid next to me still living. Slowly his eyes opened and his disgusting smirk appeared on his face.
“I’ll kill you!” I screeched out, still trying to get to him. He had to die. “Jose, you’re dead!”
I used every ounce of energy I had and brought myself to my feet. Inches from Jose’s face however, out of nowhere, a hard object connected with my jaw. I staggered back but went for him again. This time the elusive object landed on my back. Then again it came to my rib cage, but I was not about to let Jose escape this time.
“I’m going to kill you!”
I was on the ground again before I could take a step. More weight was thrown on my body and a pinch in my arm began to ricochet through my body. I had no choice but to lay numb and watch Jose climb to his feet and walk away from me. He was escaping.
“No.” I tried to yell after him, but my voice was becoming weak. “No.” I reached for him, but everything once again faded to black.